Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Life of Men

My husband went out of town today. Right now he is sitting in a hot tub in a quiet hotel room reading a brand new book I just purchased. I know. He called to gloat. I just finished changing a diaper that exploded out the back, doing 18 loads of laundry, managing car pool, all that after working 8 hours. The disparity of our day just got me thinking.

Did you ever notice how much happier men are? Just think about how much easier it would be to be a guy.

You get up in the morning slap on a t-shirt, brush your teeth, put a little water on your hair and Voila ready to go. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack. One wallet and one pair of shoes are all the accessories you need. Wrinkles add character. The
same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. Wedding dress - $5000; Tux rental - $100. You probably never need to lay down to zip up your jeans. A two-week vacation only requires one suitcase. You never have to contort to shave anything other than your face and neck. You don't gain weight in your hips and thighs. You can wear shorts without caring how your legs look.

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never HAVE to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You
don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You can open all your own jars. You can play with toys all your life. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. You never have to shop for the last minute birthday gift or make a cheesecake with 8 hours notice. Your socks get picked up by the laundry fairy no matter where you may have left them. You never have to remember where you left anything or the dates of every birthday, anniversary, and due date.

You never have to make small talk with your feet in the stirrups.


Post a Comment

<< Home